Sunday, October 26, 2008
somehow, i still cant bring myself to ask that question. to give myself a final answer.

some part of me is fine with how things are. another part just wants to move on.

maybe i need some alcohol to zhuang4 dan3. LOL.



the cynic spoke @ 11:50 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2008
3 more days of school. then after that its full steam ahead for OP and we'll be free for the year. i'm burning out. can feel it. but there's still stuff to do. and it doesnt help when one person can knock u off ur drive to do things well. but no i'm not someone who enjoys screwing up things for others. tmd i cant wait for next year april to come when i can finally not have anything to do with ppl whose heads i feel like kicking off.

assholes aside, ocomm meetings have been rather pleasant. quite fun really. haha. i'm partly looking forward to dry run. but looking at the weather these days, dont wanna bet how dry it'll be. but have i said i really like the weather? lol sorry i've always been someone who prefers the cold to heat. i'll be the last person u see complaining of cold. no its really comfortable when chilling wind blows in ur face. soothes nerves. clears ur mind. i tink i'm in need of that.

i see different ppl encountering different probs. certain things i cant understand. nvr will. everyone has different psychological make-ups. for me, i tink i stopped feeling nervous about certain things a long time ago. i've maintained that self-assured air of confidence for so long, i duno how i've been sustaining it. seriously. then reality conveniently came along and gave me a slap. "wake up ur fucking idea." i tink that's the self reflection i've been going through the period of this whole month.

it's funny. but sometimes it really seems wat drives us is that fear of shame. when we finish last, we always say "so embarrassing" instead of sth like "so disappointing" or anything else along that line. well that explains why all the so called insults like "loser" or "noob" serves to humiliate, not to dishearten. theres a difference. there are ppl who get humiliated and then strive to stuff ppl's words back down their throats. they're galvanized, not disheartened. then there are ppl who dont even care.

i guess one day we're gonna have to ask ourselves wats our driving force. our motivation. if its not to be humiliated then so be it.

and then for me its to prove doubters wrong. the more ppl doubt me, the more i wanna prove they're wrong.

and then now, the biggest sceptic of my own ability is myself.

wat irony.



the cynic spoke @ 11:04 PM

Monday, October 20, 2008
results announced today. i tink the sch is trying to raise our tolerance of nervousness and anxiety, wat with giving us all our papers and results back in one period. like lol first time in my life getting everything back at one go.

glad that the whole class is safe. cos i noe of some ppl who arent. ah well. got one hell of a surprise, and then the rest fo the way was just relief. considering how epicly i screwed up, i'm really satisfied with my results i guess. plus i improved across the boars save for maths. ah well. at least thats one thing off my chest, i can really put my mind into other things now.

and then theres next year to look forward to. haha. i'm pretty sure everyone will build on watever they have now to do better, so jiayou everyone!

indoor basketball was quite cool. the sound of the ball bouncing on hardwood just sounds better than the sound of basketball bouncing n concrete. and theres no wind. haha.

and its really interesting to see jiahui and zhengjun debate over sensitive issues. lol!



the cynic spoke @ 10:08 PM

Sunday, October 19, 2008
i finally understand why i like to play games so much.

its my form of escapism. where i can retreat into my own fantasy of power and success. where i wont fail. where i dont need to tink. where i'm not judged by tangible results. where if there are results they wont be printed on a certificate.

other ppl call it delusion. i call it utopia.



the cynic spoke @ 11:12 PM

Tuesday, October 14, 2008
i duno how long i'll be able to stand u without blowing up right in ur face.

being someone who doesnt usually mince his words, i must say i'm quite amazed i havent destroyed our working relationship yet.

the way u treat people is bloody ridiculous.

we dont need u to teach us how to send an email, and dont bloody say we're insincere.

fucking hyprocrite. screw off.



the cynic spoke @ 10:10 PM

Tuesday, October 7, 2008
for hilarity's sake, i shall post screenshots taken from my FM game a while back. (as mentioned 2 posts ago)




if u still dont know wats so funny about the last pic, come and talk to me. (hint: see red) and i manage newcastle by the way. which is no shambles, thats a game not real life.

but still, what fond memories.



the cynic spoke @ 10:19 PM

Monday, October 6, 2008
lol i tink my eye white can be reclassified as wat, eye red. my eyes are red yet not sore. look like some dumb rabbit.

sch is the total bore. wake up yawn all the way to sch. zhengjun came on train at marsiling while i was semi awake. he sit beside me, i went into full time sleeping. wake up he ask me why i so sleepy. -.- spent quite some time discussing OP. hahaha. the grp almost went mad. believe me when i say that some of the ideas we came up with were quite mad. hahaha.

econs lecture. total bore. we got possibly the most boring lecturer since the days of elasticity lecture. and i thought that was the worst. yawn more and slp. zzzz...

even this post is boring. i'm yawning as i'm typing this. ok bye back to OP slides.



the cynic spoke @ 11:26 PM

Sunday, October 5, 2008
hi world i'm not dead. like totally.

ok finally felt like posting sth here. or rather, finally could be bothered to.

so promos are over. and i, screwed up. yeah that basically summarizes my promo journey. actually the only paper i REALLY screwed up for was chem. since i really wanted to do well in that. ah well. shant revisit the painful past. i got over it in 5 min. hopefully i'll be able to get over my results in a shorter time.

completed another season of FM. no more hilarious things can happen. i'll post pics of it another time then u'll understand..

class chalet. lol. now i know wat girls do during their chalet. watch 偶像剧。if u watch until u puke it becomes 呕像剧。ok totally not funny. but chionging liu2 xing1 hua1 yuan2 thru one night isnt really healthy. especially when the girls refuse to give the guys a bedroom, and we're forced to slp in the living room thru the night with the tv blasting. i mean, only nat could slp thru that, for obvious reasons. and i really tink victor has a brilliant mind aka improvised chess board. lmao. ah well. failed to havoc. ended up playing dumb pool. and spilling sparkling juice all over the corridor. wonders of having 5 guys in a class. (note: zhengjun didnt go, sengchian took his place. so we still had 5 guys.)

slacked off the rest of the week. ccal conference was really really interesting. and quite inspiring. and 100% thought provoking. if even i start tinking about things i nvr thought about before, it just shows sth doesnt it? and yes i do have a brain, contrary to popular belief. -.-

had major chatting sessions. with victor after dinner on thur. until a certain somebody asked if we were gay. HAHA. pls i dont want to be murdered by another someone! -coughs ohsuchin coughs- ok. met up with mincong and jiamin on fri. omg duno how long nvr been to baoguan alr. almost 2 months. haha. stone in xiaoroom and talk cock for close to 5 hours i tink? really miss the ppl there. 30th november!!

sch starts tmr. unfortunately. and tmr happens to be the most epic time waster of a day. pls lar. go sch at 7.30. first block free. 2nd block take survey. then free until wat. 11++ got one period econs. then off for the day. like. WOW. ok at least got PW meeting to look forward to. yay OP! (LOL there u go tew. hahaha!)

and then i realised, its no longer about wat i can do. but wat i should. or is it the other way round?



the cynic spoke @ 10:58 PM